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Are You Raising a Sensitive Soul
Do you have a sensitive child?
You know - a child who takes everything you or others say to heart; a child who has a thin skin and worries too much, particularly about things out of their control.
Sensitive kids worry about what others think of them. They often sense danger well before others and they see the consequences of behaviours well before their peers.
Is this sensitivity nature or nurture? I suspect the former is the culprit. It has been estimated that 15 per cent of children are born with a more sensitive temperament. That is, a temperament that makes them particularly aware of their surroundings and of any changes that may occur.
Sensitive kids are like mood detectives with their antennae up trying to detect subtle changes in the moods of those around them. In some ways this is healthy as emotionally intelligent people are tuned into the behaviours and feelings of others. Sensitive kids generally have high emotional intelligence quotients.
However typically sensitive kids often read too much into what others say or do. Sometimes parents will say something without thinking or a friend will ignore them for a whole day for no other reason than they were self-centred. Sensitive kids take these matters to heart. They take the mistakes of others and turn them into something they are not. They see simple blunder and see it as a personal slight or something sinister. Sensitive kids can think too much and read too much into simple situations. That’s why sensitive kids can become anxious, shy or both. They can be hard to live with.
If you have a sensitive child you need to see and appreciate both their sides. The side we most often see is the shy, inhibited, fearful worrier. The flipside is that sensitive kids generally have kind hearts; are empathetic, intuitive and usually possess a creative streak. These are wonderful attributes to have.
As the world kids inhabit at school is akin to a jungle sensitive souls can leave themselves open to being hurt by their peers. Kids who wear their hearts on their sleeves can sometimes be given a harder time by unthinking peers just as those who look and act a little different than the norm are susceptible.
Recent research into the area of children’s sensitivity and anxiety by Professor Barrett from the University of Queensland revealed that 40% of sensitive kids experience some form of real anxiety.
The secret to the 60% of kids who DON’T experience anxiety are certain ‘protective’ factors. The top of this list is parenting style. Sensitive kids benefit from having an optimistic, resilient parent who supports them but doesn’t allow them to take themselves too seriously. It also helps if parents can encourage their child to take risks socially and applaud their social successes, no matter how minor.
The double whammy for kids of sensitivity and negative or pessimistic parents is not ideal. Kids need a parent who gets across the message that there are some unpleasant events and things but we can learn to cope and the world is generally a great place.
It is good if parents are supportive; even better if a parent is resilient so that the sensitive child sees how to cope with some of life’s hurts, rejections and disappointments. In fact, sensitive kids are less likely to develop anxiety if at least one parent is of the ‘thick-skinned’, positive, even jovial personality.
When sensitive kids are raised in a balanced way with proper understanding and encouragement, they are well-placed to grow up to be happy, healthy, unusually well-adjusted and creative adults.
Michael Grose is Australia’s NO.1 parenting educator. A popular speaker and author of seven books for parents including Why First Borns Rule the World and Last Borns Want to Change it Michael has helped thousands of Australian parents raise happy, confiden
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