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Why the Rolling Stones were Right
If you are a parent, teacher or anyone who works with children it pays to take notice of the words of a Rolling Stones song.
A line from one of their classic songs says, “You can’t always get what you want.”
Lead singer Mick Jagger was right – you can’t always get what you want. There are some things out of reach or simply worth waiting for.
For parents this means having the will to say NO to kids when their requests are unreasonable. It’s good sometimes to wait for something special. It makes you appreciate it.
When I was young once a fortnight my mother bought 6 bottles of lemonade from the visiting ‘lemonade man’. There were three of us in our family who shared those bottles. We made them last as long as possible because when they ran out there was no more. It was hard, but we kept an eye on each other.
As the lemonade was rationed out it forced us as kids to put a lid on our impulses. We may have felt like guzzling but the promise of a swift kick in the rear from a sibling made sure that we made the drink last.
Impulse control is one of the keys to effective living yet our community has an aversion to saying NO to kids.
Those kids who can control their impulses and wait generally have better outcomes behaviourally, academically and socially. In an effort to avoid disappointing kids, some adults bend over backwards to give them what they want.
Once a seminar attendee listening to my spiel on saying NO to kids responded, “But I thought that saying NO is bad for kids.”
If we refuse every request then life would be tough. It is good to open doors for kids rather than keep putting barriers in front of them.
One technique you can use if you find yourself continually saying NO is to reply, “Yes, you can…. when you….” For instance, “Yes, you can watch television when you have done your homework.” But this is just window-dressing hiding a NO.
There is no doubt that saying NO to kids is hard work as it is in their job descriptions to push parental (and adult) boundaries. It is in their long term best interests to realise that they “can’t always get want they want.” But the next line in that Stones classic (“you can try sometimes, you can try”) is a good reminder that kids will often push boundaries. But that doesn’t mean we should give in!
Michael Grose is Australia’s NO.1 parenting educator. A popular speaker and author of seven books for parents including Why First Borns Rule the World and Last Borns Want to Change it Michael has helped thousands of Australian parents raise happy, confident kids and resilient young people. Visit his website www.parentingideas.com.au and get your Free Chores and Responsibilities Guide for kids.
© Michael Grose 2008
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